How to put “yourself” back in your DIY wedding

Whether it’s the first or second reason that brings you here, keep this in mind: A memorable wedding doesn’t require a majestic church or a grand reception hall. The most unforgettable wedding may actually be the one that’s relaxed, intimate and unmistakably reflective of the couple who’s tying the knot.

So, how do you go about planning a DIY wedding that is uniquely you?

If you’ve done a quick internet search, you know it offers little in the way of thinking outside the box—suggesting expensive departures from the ordinary like pre-ceremony cocktail service or monogrammed handkerchiefs (for guests to wave instead of throwing rice). Cha-ching! Not only are the dollar signs adding up, those ideas really aren’t that unique or interesting.

It’s time to put “yourself” back into your DIY wedding and come up with a plan. Here are some words of wisdom to get you started:

To thy own self be true.

Stop trying to compete and stop trying to conform. This is YOUR wedding and you have the right to create something truly unique and that’s reflective of you as a couple. According to a recent survey, nearly half of all couples found wedding planning extremely stressful and, of those, 71% thought it was more stressful than major life events like finding a new job. Maybe the true source of stress comes from trying to create something that’s not really “you” and you’re too worried about what everyone thinks. Remember this: very few people are going to spend much time thinking about your wedding after it’s over. But YOU are. In the words of fashion mogul Coco Chanel, “I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t think about you at all.”

Bigger is not better.

In fact, it may be worse. The top 10 things that brides regret most about their wedding day include:

• Having a wedding that was too big (Who are these people anyway?)
• Too expensive (We could’ve put money down on a house!)
• Too unmanageable (It’s all just a big blur.)

Exchanging vows is intimate in itself—so ask yourself this: Do you want to surround yourself with your most trusted friends and family? Or would you rather hang with mom’s office manager and her plus-one boyfriend?

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Find a theme and start from there.

Once you have this part down—the rest will flow easily. In order to come up with ideas, consider things like this:

• Where did you first meet? If it was it on a hike, for example, you may want to get married at a lovely outdoor park. Or maybe you met at high school or college. If so, see if your alma mater has a lovely campus spot for weddings. Meet online? Consider what you did on your first date like a trip to the zoo (they have wedding venues!) You get the idea.
• What are your common hobbies/passions? Come up with some ideas based on these. Do you love board games? Cruises? Watersports? History? A particular sports team? Books? Animals? Know what makes you “quirky” as a couple and start from there.

Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

Okay, if you’re not a “Godfather” fan, that simply means: focus on what’s important to you. In this case, it’s deciding where you’ll spend the biggest chunk of your wedding budget—and where you won’t. Make a list (in order of importance) of what you value most as a couple and create your budget accordingly. For example:

• Is it the ceremony itself (venue)?
• Is it the party (reception, food and drinks)?
• Is it the people (number of guests/travel arrangements)?
• Is it the activities (music, DJs, bands, etc.)

It takes a village.

The best way to pull off a DIY wedding (maybe even get some financial help) is to have those closest to you involved. You can do this in many ways, including:

• By scheduling regular family video chats. A good family chat app will let you do much more than just meet “face to face”. Just imagine: You can upload important wedding files like your wedding budget, guest list, music playlist, wedding menu, seating chart and more—so everyone to see them and contribute ideas in real time. You can also share photos, videos and other images you’re thinking about using on invites and save-the-dates and get feedback. How you use your collaboration capabilities is up to you!
• By taking your planning to the cloud. Even if you don’t have time for regular family chats, you can create a family group and share your wedding planning ideas in the cloud. Everyone in the group (at your invitation) will have access to those important docs, like pics, party budgets, seating arrangements, etc. Best of all, if your computer crashes, you never have to worry about losing your important stuff, because it’s stored safely in the cloud.
• Using wedding templates to create save the dates, custom wedding invitations, seating plans, menus etc.

So, even if an over-the-top wedding is out of the picture—a memorable one is not. What you’re lacking in funds you can make up in intimacy, personalization and a stress-free experience—not to mention a LOT less debt.